OCTOBER. the month i was born. i love october. i mean, who doesn't love their birthday? but this month truly means so much more to me than just my birthday month. two years ago, this time of year, is when i fully came to terms with the fact that i had a problem and i needed to make a change.
so, let me first say that this post was totally unplanned. a friend of mine serves at his church's recovery ministry and i recently attended their service, which left me inspired to post this. they take time in the beginning of these services to acknowledge the attendees who have been free from alcohol or drug addiction. whether it has been just 24 hours, 6 months or 20+ years. watching these bold and brave individuals walk up to the stage and "put themselves on the spot", is so inspiring.
so many of us, have been addicted to something. whether it be clean eating (orthorexia-like myself), past relationships, religions, etc...as humans, it has become the norm to hide this and to present life as picture-perfect. i realize more and more everyday how important it is to be open and to share our story.. not to say that it is easy. you must first admit your problem to yourself. i admitted to myself, two years ago in october, that i had orthorexia and needed to pursue a healthier lifestyle. yes, it took me almost six years to come to terms with this, but by the grace of God, i did. and have not looked back since.
diving d e e p e r
how did i come to terms with this? the evening of my 22nd birthday! my dad, one of the strongest men i know, was in tears and that is when i realized something needed to change!
what was my first step to healing? admitting to myself and to my dad that i needed to make a change! i had a control problem. yes, i was living life according to God's word and following Him, but was i physically taking care of myself? no. i instantly dove even deeper into the Word and sought help from my brother in law, Clint. we would meet one on one and he may not know it, but it truly was a blessing. i began to purchase books, e-books, etc.. (alyssa joy bethke- an awesome woman of faith/blogger, struggled with the same thing, so her blog, book recommendations and all of that were SO helpful). i was still very much so passionate about fitness, but i needed to take time to re-educate myself on it. i eventually joined imago fitness in june of 2014 and began to learn HOW to go about living a fit life.. the correct way.
did i struggle/was i tempted to go back? oh absolutely. not in terms of my orthorexia habits, thank God, but more so...how i view myself. do i have days where i feel ugly? yes. do i have days where i feel iffy & not my best? yes. but, i instantly remind myself that those thoughts are silly. in God's eyes, i am fearfully + wonderfully made. i can have some of that fat-filled, sugar-filled ice cream..it'll all be ok. LOL! ;)
how long did it take for you to love your new lifestyle? i began the journey in october of 2014, but it wasn't until june 2015, where i really loved this new lifestyle. it took time!
Becoming a CPT, group exercise instructor and fitness ambassador has been one of the best decisions I have made. Not many people know this, but my goal in life is to one day combine my faith + love for fitness to be able to coach young women struggling with this same thing!
God's timing is always perfect. i know that he was with me throughout that time period. i'm sitting here now, reflecting on the amazing path these past years have been. has it been perfect? no. but, i'm sitting here, healthy, healed and knowing that God is always on my side. the enemy will try to get to me and will try to attack, but I have my guard up. i fight for my faith daily through the Spirit, in the Spirit, by the Spirit. i remind myself of what He says of me- that I have been set free.
the girl on the left? that’s not me anymore. learning everyday to live as I’ve been called to. i am learning to live in my true identity.
“He rescued me, because he delighted in me.” Ps. 18:19
if you're reading this today and find yourself in a place in your life where you struggle with something.. whether it be physical, spiritual, anything really..just know that you are valued. God loves you. He delights in you. you do not have to go through it alone. hold on to this truth. and if you need someone to talk to, contact me! i would love to hear from you.